…on approaching the ending of another decade.
This morning I found this closing as part of a comment on Dean’s anacronym weblog:
I am John, and I used to be excellent.
Wow. That says so well exactly what I’ve been feeling these last couple of years.
Starting almost a decade ago I made up my mind to take over my life again, time was growing short and I had to dump the negativity and go after what really meant anything to me to do because riding the rut was useless and wasteful of the gifts. So I wrote a book, went to school, pursued what I thought I wanted most of all and had a knack for doing and worked hard. And put a lot of money into it as well, though nowhere near the time and mental dedication. Sadly, nothing came of this new direction in life though meeting some good people and having some great moments cannot be discounted since they would not have been known had I not taken that new path.
Sometimes despite your best intentions there’s a combination of things like timing and past history and attitude that can’t be overcome and that work together to ensure it doesn’t work. We probably each have our time when had we made certain choices it would have brought us what we sought. Most of us are off on timing because we didn’t recognize the moment. Now, we may be too close to our expiration date to be considered useful any more. By others, in the seeking of employment. By ourselves, in putting satisfaction versus effort on what we want. Too, I’m not what I once was though in some ways I am better. In others, memory may be a bit colorized but I can’t help thinking…
I am Susan and I used to be excellent.

The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology