A wonderful day in my writing “career.” I was the grateful recipient of valuable critique by my esteemed English Professor on a story I’ve been working a lot on lately. I’ve become accustomed to accepting opinion on my writing, eagerly seek it out, and even get excited and rejuvenated by the most brutally honest in helping my cause. But there was one little thing about this sit down face-to-face that left me deeply embarrassed, so embarrassed actually that I left without what I feel should have been an apology to this man, and all the teachers of the English language that have suffered through me before him. And it all comes down to this ;
Yes, that’s a semi-colon back there. I am filled with shame to admit that I used it incorrectly time and time again within my written work. For once, I am not being sarcastic here. I am honestly ashamed to have never taken the time to truly comprehend its proper use, and while I overcame my little comma problem, I may have inadvertently replaced it with my use of the semi-colon and dash as a Bandaid fix. Never used the semi-colon much in my earliest writings. Never liked it; never understood it. But to suddenly have utilized its special qualifications without knowing what I was doing, and to hand it in to a college level professor of English is an affront to his position and needlessly takes his time in correcting simple punctuation and grammatical errors.
For this insult, I do sincerely apologize here. I will indeed reacquaint myself with this and other elements of the English language and have added two links to this blog that go directly to sites that offer assistance on these points. I’m proud of my progress as a writer, and I really don’t want to embarrass myself again by something that I should have learned in third grade. No writer should.
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology
S, don’t beat yourself up. Now you know. The semi-colon is a funny little creature; it likes symmetry and slyness.
I too often find myself beaten by grammar and it truly is embarrassing. How can anyone who fashions themselves to even have modest skills make so elementary a mistake?
I worried that I comma-spliced, so I brought in the semi-colon to bring aid to the war effort. I then worried that I was abusing its use, so now have largely abandon it. The dash, that bastard completely mystifies me. I have grown fearful of all punctuation. It lies in wait, eager to defeat me, to laugh over my broken and humiliated body, and to perform other acts of histrionic melodrama.
For years, I also had a great difficulty knowing the difference between affect and effect, though I now think I have a handle on it. What’s awful about it all though, is it’s only a moment’s glance at a grammar book. It shouldn’t be this difficult, but somehow it seems to defy being permanently imprinted upon my brain.
Those dashes and dots, maybe they conspire against us, but I don’t think we’re alone.
The internet has done away with the phenomenon known as coincidence. You can find something relative within seconds. This, from the website In These Times, quoting Kurt Vonnegut:
Knowing What’s Nice
By Kurt Vonnegut | 11.6.03
“Here are excerpts from some of what I myself said onstage at the University of Wisconsin in
Madison on the evening of September 22, 2003, as we touch off the last chunks and drops and whiffs of fossil fuels:
“I realize that some of you may have come in hopes of hearing tips on how to become a professional writer. I say to you, “If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don’t have the nerve to be a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts. But do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.”
http://www.inthesetimes.com/comments.php?id=427_0_1_0_C
Of course, I’m not advocating Vonnegut’s advice. If I ever get to his level in writing, I’m sure I can do whatever I damn well please, but until then, I’m getting back to the basics. Then if I choose to break a rule, at least I’ll understand how and why.