WRITING: Connotation

A form of show, not tell, I suppose.

Just took a minute to write a bit as a scene presented itself, and was about to write, "I hate that." 

Now last year, I would have written just that.  The 1st person p.o.v. protagonist is telling the story, why shouldn’t he tell us how he feels about something.

Because there’s a better way…

"It stopped me cold.  My stomach tightened and I heard the grind of teeth.  An involuntary muscle started twitching on the right side of my jaw."

Not the best writing, but the idea is there.  Does kinda sound like he hates that, doesn’t it?

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1 Response to WRITING: Connotation

  1. ntexas99 says:

    It certainly sounds uneasy and displeasing, which is only a very short distance from hating it.

    Hate is too simple a word, anyway, right?

    I like the alternative version much better.

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