Right now it looks like we most likely will not be moving to Arizona, and I’ve got mixed emotions on that. While I am a perennial, transplanting held a certain allure. New England is home to me but I felt a need to change and the opportunity and circumstances of timing was right. Since my Dad’s death I don’t feel the ties to Connecticut, especially with my sister’s recent actions and decisions that have destroyed any future family get-togethers.
One thing that surprised me until I realized the reasoning was that while I’d posted here on the possibility of uprooting, which was a major decision in our lives, there wasn’t much reaction. But then it dawned on me that the readers wouldn’t care–it wouldn’t change anything except I might have been whining about getting hung up in a cactus patch instead of about shoveling snow. Locally, only two or three people knew of the plans.
So while I’m glad, I must admit to a certain disappointment. I needed a change; to turn my own back on the present and the past and look to a different future than where we were heading here. A kick-start so to speak. My last major step to take control was five years ago in starting college and in writing; neither has led me far enough to matter. I’ve not much power left to force changes on my own; I have been drained.
And when I have recovered, will I sit and spin my wheels and waste more energy, or will I finally find the path that leads not far, but somewhere.
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology
I didn’t know you were considering this, Susan. I know that I looked forward to our various cross country moves, once to get away, and two to get back. Now that we’re back, I miss having a place to go. It’s more stressful at the time, but also more fun than just staying put and dealing with what life hands me.
That’s okay Loretta, I only posted on it to give myself a place to think about it. While it’s still not definitely out of the question, we’ve got other options. I know you’ve been out to California, right? I’ve just never been a wanderer except within my mind, but as this is being considered, it really starts to be appealing.
I’ve been wanting to move for a few years. I think part of my problem is that for the first five or six years we lived here, I wasn’t home all that much during daylight hours. I never took time to make the house feel like it was mine. Perhaps emotionally I never moved in to begin with. Then again, maybe it’s something inside me that needs to be re-energized. I need to decide how to do that without moving.
I think we move in cycles, and sometimes we stop and find we’ve hit a rut and feel a different path is the answer. But as Willie sings, “Still is still moving to me.” I think that’s what you’re saying in your last sentence, and what I need to do as well if we stay here.