WRITING: Another look at Editing

Old Version:

Joe felt the knife with every hot slap of his feet against the hard packed dirt.  Remembered standing there and pain urging its way into the numbness that had immediately followed the strikes of blade that froze him in his place before they broke the barrier of time and oozed deep red.

He’d stumbled back a step, another; looked at his Cheri with little understanding. Disbelief even as pain from twenty holes in his body hit his nerves all at once.

He dropped down to his knees, his doubled belt fell from his right hand to the ground.  With both hands now he tried to stop the flight of life that simpered out of him.  He looked up from his wounds, reaching out, his hand open as a cup seeking an answer.  Cheri stepped back from the spreading red stain on the earth.  She laughed and dropped the knife and turned and walked off into the eastern desert.  (158 words)

New Version:

Joe felt the knife with every slap of his feet on the road.  Remembered standing there and pain urging its way into the numbness that followed the strikes of the blade.

He’d stumbled back a step, another; looked at Cheri with disbelief even as pain from twenty holes in his body hit his nerves all at once.

He dropped to his knees, his belt fell from his right hand to the dust. He reached out as if seeking an answer.  Cheri laughed and dropped the knife, turned and walked into the sun.
(92 words)