As with Marquez, Kundera is focusing on human nature and interaction in this novel of love and betrayal. Even the war in the background is a part of the theme, as battle is the cause or reaction to action borne of love or betrayal of allegiance. The characters are living by their need to be loved, and all are betrayed by their own misinterpretations.
Prior to reading the book, I pondered the title: The Unbearable Lightness of Being. What could it mean? Several thoughts came to mind but this seemed most likely: the ultimate freedom from grounding, from responsibility, from attachments both mental and emotional that made life ‘light’ and yet empty.
Tomas, learning from a marriage and divorce, feels he is a man who needs to be free of the ties of love, to never spend a night in bed with a woman, and yet he makes changes to admit Tereza into his life. He cannot give up his mistresses, for that would be a betrayal of self; to avoid a betrayal of Tereza he must believe in the clear separation of love and sex. Sabina is of similar mind, needing only enough of a stable love force that is under her control. With her single status, she chooses men who like Tomas want no more from her than she’s willing to give, or who like Franz and later Tomas, are married and thus not a threat. Her need to betray, something tied to her father, is done second-hand, by her partners’ betrayal of their marriage vows.
Franz does well after his divorce from Marie Claude, revved up for a life with Sabina. When Sabina dumps him, he still believes himself better off with a small apartment and a young female student as a lover. But there is something wistful about his return to his ex-wife’s home to realize that she has not missed him at all. He is feeling a bit of that weight of weightlessness.
Tereza has put up with Tomas’ infidelity for many years, followed or led him through many countries to remain by his side. She comes with baggage of insecurity bred into her by her mother, and her love for Tomas is genuine and forgiving, though she likely betrays herself by accepting his lifestyle because she truly has never accepted it. In her depression, she feels that she should accept his lifestyle as her own and makes the move by visiting and having sex with a man she has met at the diner.
But then, while she is not betraying Tomas, or believes she is not because she is simply adopting his attitude, isn’t she still betraying herself?
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology