EDUCATION: The End?

Never the end, never.  But at least of that which will bring me that degree in hardcopy form.  Took the final exam just a bit ago, and while I said I didn’t care, the part of me that is obsessive spent a week and a half in preparation.  Still, on this test, along with super easy ones there were quite a few that demanded strict note and textbook checking.  I hate these.  It’s more a test of close reading than it is a test of knowledge.  Multiple choice, but then with eight possible answers and that combination answer that is the only true one, to compile a list of only the true statements made.  Example:  a) 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7  b) 1, 2, 3, 5, 6,7  c) 1, 3, 4, 6, 7, etc. 

But, it’s over. 

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LITERATURE: Old and New

Good post at The Reading Experience, "Safely Ensconced," on a statement by Steve Wasserman regarding the dependence upon the old, already pronounced as worthy literature: "The best reading experience is to occupy your time with the worthy dead rather than the ambitious living."

In a roundabout way, this matter is something that has confused me for a long time, and one I want to solve by learning to read–thus the discussions at The Great Lettuce Head of late.

Admittedly, I am more secure as a reader when given a textbook of literary compilation, than when I critique at workshops.  And while I subscribe to at least four of the major literary journals (and who has named them "major"?) I am conflicted by doubts in evaluating the stories within.  Are they "good" or did they simply appeal to a particular editor in time? 

Which brings us back to the question of good or bad literature.  We can dislike what has been labeled assertively as good, just as we can like a piece that has been derided by reviewers as poorly written.  A "bad" writing can certainly have redeeming values, just as a "good" one can have flaws.  Shall we then say that nothing is good nor bad?  If nothing is bad, then nothing is good, no?  I mean, fair’s fair after all. 

But don’t we need some measure, something established by general consensus?  Else, would we say that a four-year-old is necessarily all right in believing that a heavy bag of 100 shiny copper pennies is worth more than a handful of 100 crumpled hundred-dollar bills?  It is not necessarily a fact–depending upon one mis-struck penny within that bag, but the odds are with us that the bills are worth much more.  That is general knowledge.  Can we do this with literature?  Or, shall we consider any story written just as good as one by Jonathan Cheever.

This is what I seek, some form of criteria with which to read and decide, well frankly, if something is outstanding or not worth the effort, whether I agree with the end result or not.  And all the while, learning how to write well as a bonus.  What is the criteria for literature, and how many different forms does it take? Certainly, there are elements of writing to look for, there is grammar, spelling, punctuation, but if one breaks the rules, such as McCarthy, wouldn’t he be banned in Boston if he were judged by that alone?  Must a book have redeeming social value?  Is there a current trend?  Is it a countable matter of sales–sometimes simply sold by clever marketing.

We can come at literature so many ways, and a review of contempory work may or may not hold up in time, or is often subjective–very often subjective.  But even beyond this perception, there are some basic generalities that are being applied. 

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REALITY: Terrorist Garden

I wash my hands of the despair of life.  Headlines screaming cars that play at ninety miles an hour; the game called by skids and screams and the solid stillness of a tree.  Across the sea more cars and bigger buses blown to shimmers blending blood and sparkling bits of metal flying high into the sky and plumping back to earth in dust that’s swept up in a fevered moan by end of day.  Somewhere someone dresses for the morn in funeral garb, smiling as he buckles up a belt around a waist below a heart that soon will stop its frantic beating to beliefs held in his brain.  What can I do?

Softly humming in the row of beans I go along with weapons to the weeds and coax them out so that the others can survive.  Here, I know my enemy, the random sprinkling of the wild mix well within the crowds of squash and dahlias and tomatoes and hot peppers as well as sweet.  But I can see them, know them, pull them out.  My hands are dirty, streaked by earth and bleeding stalks of dying purslane, lambsquarters, dandelion.  It is all that I can do.

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LITERATURE: Glimmertrain #48

I cannot leave a book unfinished, unless it’s really bad.  I have my textbooks, which are compilations of classic and contemporary works including poetry, safely in their place in line upon my hearth.  Because there are good stories in them.  Because there is a wealth of knowledge that could not be covered in a semester of Introduction to Literature or Contemporary Fiction.  Because they have the terminology, the guidelines, the quick and simple get your toes wet information that is a stone along the path.

This issue of Glimmertrain that I have been reading the past couple of days started out a bit slowly, perhaps the issue after issue after issue made me too aware of a trend and I was tired of reading stories of people of Malaysia, Korea, India or China.  Or of tourists and their adventure  on the foreign soils of Malaysia, Korea, India or China.  This world is just too large for that.

But the world of writing opened up in the latter half of the anthology.  Talented writers, compelling plots, engaging characters, hard-hitting or sneak-up-on-you stories, meaningful themes, clever structuring.  I wish I could do reviews on each; I may select a special one and do so, even though there is no real way to discuss them unless you too have read the story.  I can, I suppose, focus on a paragraph, a phrase or two.

As a reader, I read and came out with something from each one.

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LITERATURE: Reading My World

For one odd moment in the afternoon, I saw my nose and suddenly I felt confined within my head, living somewhere behind my eyes, all of me.  Eyes not windows to the soul alone, but now portals from which I peek about. 

Like standing in the crown of Lady Liberty, or in the uppermost tiptop of the Empire State Building, although all that surrounds me is at least as high or higher, but the feeling that I exist way up here above the footings of real feet and walls of skin surrounding I-beams made of bone.  Separate from the rest, my nose is but the intrusion of a half-settled shutter on full panoramic view unless I close one eye and then the other and dash between the two. 

Hello!  I’m here, look up!  I hear within the voice that speaks is just from the next furrowed cerebral row.  I’m all inside this area, an eight inch circled room where windows face in only one direction, yet I swivel shift this penthouse like the old Oakdale stage to play to any audience I choose.  It’s dark both day and night except outside where the light is bright but strangely cannot penetrate the panes.  And even then at high mid-day–if I want, I mean–I can pull the shades down low.

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EDUCATION: Reading

Just finished listening to the last of what turned out to be a 347-slide audio presentation in Nutrition for the last section of the Nutrition course.

In contrast to my other reading, what I gleaned from the lecture notes, slides, textbook, and discussions is basically informational.  I did not worry about imagery, technique, theme, poetics, etc.  I did apply pre-knowledge of theory to some of the information presented, such as weight gain, aging, etc., as well as some philosophy and psychology in understanding addictions, desires, and abuse for example, as well as lifestyle changes both historically,culturally and technologically driven (sedentary computer use!).

This does tie in with my current study of the Art of Reading.  So, despite the annoyance of static-y audio lectures, I got my money’s worth in an off-track bonus of information and experience.  And I learned that I’ve been wasting money taking vitamins with water every morning, since the majority of them are fat soluble, and, if I ate properly, I wouldn’t really need the supplements at all!

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LITERATURE: Reading & Writing

Hard night’s sleep again last night, and so I rise me up and wander through the dark.  Feed my body from the refrigerator, feed my soul and mind in books.  But did I?

Just now, as I write, I question what it is I am looking for in reading, where is the separation of the soul and mind?  Is one emotion, the other intellect?  I really do not know. 

What I question now is attitude and inspiration going in, and expectations, and here, at expectations I am drawn up short.  In reading contemporary short story anthologies, I suspect I may be tainted by my desire to write.  Two stories can be compared–but for what, on what basis can they bear up to contrast and evaluation?  Am I reading just for writing?  A somewhat plague of disappointment by the black night sky with the occasional star that shines is what I’m seeing.  But this is a gut feeling, though a bit more involved than just "I liked it." 

It is obvious that something’s wrong with my intentions when my first reaction to a read is "That won the first place fiction?"  Guilt overwhelms me, wondering if this self-indulgence, this competitive evil spirit is what drives my need to learn.Perhaps I need stop writing for a while, clear my head of self-serving reading habits.  At least with the contemporary fiction, since that is where my writing goal, my passions are. 

I will need to focus and decide another path for now.  To learn to read, to learn to get the most out of what is read.  In fiction to recognize, understand and enjoy, in all else to grow.  In all, to empty out my soul and mind of self-centered desires.  This knowledge alone will steady my steps.  But I need to repick my starting point, to build myself a cave where I can see myself, then can emerge and know what I am seeking.

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REALITY: Small Town Politics

First, let me say that while there are most definitely small town politics here (just ask me some time about trying to get a sign put out on my shop and the b.s. I went through until I got creative with town history!)  but this is more about the little things that make up adventure in a small rural community.  Second:  See, I told you I’d still be posting about reality.  There’s just too much that happens in real life that is story, though not quite literature.

Just took a quick ride uptown to stop at the deli and the post office.  Uh-oh.  A mother turkey and five chicks trying to cross the road from the other direction, and ours is a swerving, wind-y, uphill, downhill road.  I flashed my high beams at all traffic coming from the other direction, with visions of coming back in five minutes to what would look like a pillow fight in the middle of the road by the time I returned. 

When I stopped at the post office, I found the "in town" slot covered.  Went inside the main area to find out what was going on and was told that Burlington is no longer a central processing point.  "But why?"  I ask.  "Everything goes to Hartford now," Joe said, "and goes through the biohazard checkpoint to make sure you’re not sending anything nasty through the mail."  "Bummer," says I.  "You guys were so great.  I could mail something here at 4 pm and it would get delivered the next day if it was in-state.  These are just invoices all going to Burlington customers."  "We’re still great,"  he said, "just a little slower but a lot safer."  I had to agree. 

"Tell you what I’m going to do," Joe says.  "Because I like you, I’m going to stamp them right now and hand it to the carrier and you’ll get same-day delivery."  What a guy.  Since my next thought was just to drive direct and stick them in the mailboxes. 

This is what a small town can offer.  I realize that he probably shouldn’t have done this, but I mean, c’mon.  Joe lives two doors down from me.

Oh and the turkey family must have made it safely across the road.

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BLOGGING: Spinning Off in a New Direction

I’ve said this before, and maybe it is just the cool but slowly warming up Friday morning, and the fact that voles have destroyed my best jalapeno plant, but I’m planning on steering Spinning back on track (thus not really a new direction, since that’s how it started out) as a semi-literate literary weblog.  I say semi-literate because I am still coming from a learning position rather than a credentialed one on literature, and also because I don’t think I’ll ever attain a true intellectual analytical state or even want to lose the more common reader evaluative tendencies and simple language style that is my own.  Yeah, it’s a cop-out.  I’m saying that I am open to argument but not up to high level critique because I just don’t always know what I’m talking about.

There will still, of course, be my regular morning-inspired flights of poetics, and lots of reality-based postings, mainly because offline, I am a real person.  Honest, I do laundry, own a business, have a family and friends.  They inspire me or aggravate me often enough to write about it.  I will also maintain some of my versional poetry or story starters, although if they turn out halfway decent, or at the very least (which is my standard) I think they do, they’ll be transferred the hell out of here and into Talespinning for further work and rework.  I’m supposed to be a writer, after all.

For the past five years I have joined the ranks of those academics who count the year in semesters above seasons.  You’ve had to listen to my rants and raves from Algebra to Statistics, and if you’re still with me, the good news is that I won’t be doing that at least.  However, maintaining the discipline of study and learning from formal education, I will be working my way through planned and unplanned readings and will be expounding (as much as I know how to–it seems a big important word for a five-foot hundred-pounder) on literary topics of various genres.

And now and then, probably quite often, I’ll still play the fool.

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EDUCATION: And Political Correctness

I knew it’d show up eventually. I’ve gone on and on about this before, that either politics or some cockamaimie superficial but politically correct term slips out in each and every course on a college campus. And here it is:

A diet is no longer a diet. It is a “food plan.”

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REALITY: To Do List

Finish final course and frame degree.  Put back books finished to the bookcase, count: when ten are gone from hearth, hit shopping cart at amazon.com–I’m halfway there.  Iron, iron, iron, take down curtains, wash and iron.  Speaking of, sew drapes from fabric bought two years ago.  Read, read, read.  Write and read.  Finish three stories for our lit mag, set it up in Word.  Remind Diane I need the cover art real soon.  Look for writing jobs.  Look for editing jobs.  Look for any job at all.  Today, an offer:  Come back and be a tutor!  I would.  Except that it would cost any course required to make a student of me so I could be a tutor.  Call the girl who wants me to do fifty mats for free.   We’d hoped you’d donate them, she says.  No, I can’t, I decide.  I’ve offered to do them at three bucks apiece and that would barely cover cost.  In better times, I’ve donated cash and framing for the library, the firehouse, town hall, and anybody else who made me want to help.  But me, I’m one who’ll give away the world unless you tell me that I should.  Call the doctor, call the dentist, call the eye-man too, the insurance is going to run out soon.  I s’pose I should get healthy, write that on this list as well.  Full circle back to starting point:  Finish final nutrition course.

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LITERATURE: A Different Path

I have had Michael Arnzen’s100 Joltssince it first came out, and he has since published a new novel called “Play Dead.”

I think that for the short story category of my reading journey, I shall put this next in line.  It’s been a while since I’ve read horror–it used to be my absolute favorite for years and years and I’d read little else during that time period.  And, I think it will be a nice blend with Didascalicon, the video Still Life, and for the learning category, either one of the graphics software guides such as MX Flash or something on philosophy.  I think I’ll hold off on the fiction writing how-tos since I am learning it as well from the reading I’m doing.  I may throw a novel in here too right now, since most of the others except for Still Life are usually read in spurts either because of short story format or for digestion time for learning and comprehension, as is especially Didascalicon.  Although in truth, Still Life, because I am still relatively new to the format, is a learning experience for me as well as story.

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WRITING: Meeting & Eating

Good, good meeting tonight with our small band of writer-types.  I like the meetings small, more intimate and focused, no matter the makeup of the crew.

We start out with food, then some pornographic poetry.  We go from giggling teenie-boppers through middle-aged maturity to deliver honest and professional critique.  Nice to know we all still can find the snickers that we thought we’d overcome with age.  Good to feel we all are still a part of what we used to be, used to have, used to see.

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WRITING: Moonstruck

Rough time last night, just about to lose my mind to conscious thought when one stirs up and leaves me wide-eyed and useless for any further dreaming.  I slip out of bed, berobe myself and walk the hallway to the living room.  The moonlight shines in, a hunters’ moon, I think; it is so bright.  Flick on the light and laptop as a story hits.  I’m grateful since I didn’t want to think about what kept me up. 

It is a bit that was written long ago, a sequel to the novel written down, discarded.  Suddenly it’s come to live again.  And it is a story in itself and grown in darkness in my brain without my knowledge.  It is ready now to ease it into day.

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REALITY: Young and Old

Thinking today of people past and passing through my life.  Ghosts of minds recalled by words, and food and weather. 

Last week, I asked a three-year-old great niece if she wanted me to pick her up.  She reached her arms up to me and nodded.  She hardly knows me, this blond-curled moppet.  But she knows that I am family and I had held her mother many years ago.  It is the little one’s birthday.

Later that same day, as I am about to leave, another great niece from another niece shyly takes a taco chip I offer.  She looks exactly, exactly as her mother did some thirty years ago.  She studies the chip, she is so tiny far below me that I feel a giant to this two-year old.  She looks up at me, eyebrows squinched together, eyes large and round, and starts to sing.  Together, slow and somberly quiet as if it were Ave Maria, we sing three rounds of Happy Birthday.  I realize she must have missed the cake and candle time when others sang too fast for her.  She smiles finally, turns and walks away.

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