We had had an excellent discussion about Molly’s story Devotion on Wednesday night, and it brought up the question of using multiple point of view. I happen to really like it, though in many ways it can be considered a copout when using character’s thoughts instead of actions as a source of information. This seems to go back to a show don’t tell problem.
When there are only two main characters in a story and we only see it from one’s pov (even in third person pov) then it indeed is that character’s story. If we’re allowed third person multiple or omniscient, then the interaction becomes more intricate and each character must be more closely observed to be believed or win sympathy. In Molly’s story, the two characters were both female so the she and her were more difficult to overcome in the reading. Separation by paragraph, white space where necessary, and careful adherence to follow through: if one character’s thoughts or perception is being displayed, then that character should be the focus of the prior sentence/s to flow properly without confusion or indiscriminate jumping into heads.
Usually the character’s thoughts will give us an idea of attitude, though again, it might be less obvious–though more difficult to project–via actions. Here’s an example from Horseman, a story by Richard Russo included in the BASS
"The grant came through" he told her, nudging Marcus gently. "Move over sport. Let’s make room for Mom. She looks like she’s had a rough day." And she’s late, was what he didn’t say. Late coming home on a day when she might have been expected to return early.
"That’s okay," she told him. I’m going to change. Which grant? How much?"
"The Contemporary Art Institute. Seventy-five K. They’re over the moon."
"They should be. Congratulations." And how much did you get? she thought. Why do you let these people take advantage of you, working for peanuts, making them look good? (p. 357)
Obviously there is tension between the stay-at-home Dad and the wage-earning Mom. It’s an old story as is the dancing around and the resentment that grows from not verbalizing. I’m not so sure that this jump into the husband’s head was so necessary, seventeen pages into a twenty-four page story for the first time here.
In this particular story there’s also a switch to italicized sections that separated out a more pov introspective thought of the woman–though it often encompasses a scenario that fits in the linear timeline and need not have been separated out at all to my thinking.
Guess what this comes down to is that omniscient third person pov is tricky to carry off successfully and it’s not just a warning to new writers, but to the more experienced as well to use it as a tool, but not as a substitute for clearer more imaginative writing.
The Lost Children: A Charity Anthology