REALITY: Thanksgiving II

I’m boiling turkey guts and fisheyes for tomorrow.  No–not together, for they’re for separate courses, don’t you see.  One to stuff the main meal, a dead bird.  And the fisheyes will be sweetened for dessert. 

My stuffing is so very like my mother made, my sister insists upon a separate bowl for her to take home later.  Last year, I even brought it to my father’s house a day ahead so she could pick it up and use it in her bird. 

The fisheyes are not, of course, real fisheyes.  It’s tapioca pudding and for Thanksgiving, I make it eggnog-flavored.  I’ve called it fisheyes for a long time now, and the story will be lost someday, but it all goes back to a biology class in high school, a dissected fish (one from those plastic jars you get with worm and frog, and I’ve forgotten what else) and a handsome young teacher.  The fish-part I brought up to him from my more-than-filleted fish was from an eyeball, and I asked him what it was.  He looked at me suspiciously, but patiently examined and explained once I revealed what part it came from.  Cooked tapioca in its translucence is a dead ringer for it, and when I tell the little kids it’s fisheye pudding, they are more likely to eat it than if I called it by its name of tapioca.

We were nineteen once, around my dinner table; this year we’re four.   Not the best year, perhaps, for the "kids" not to come home.  But they will be here, and their kids as well on my father’s birthday for our Christmas celebration on the 12th.  No, we’re really not all that weird a family.  The early holiday is due to my niece’s Navy family moving to Spain before the end of December. 

Then again, it may be the best year to break some ties of tradition.  The world moves on ahead of us, and time may well forgive me for my fisheye pudding someday.

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REALITY: Thanksgiving

Three people sit around a meatloafed dinner table.  One man who lost his wife in summer’s sun.  Another man who thinks he hides the fear of losing his.  And between them, me.

All of us together thinking thoughts of turkeys past; each of us avoiding tomorrow’s grumbling giving thanks.  Meatloaf is our life now, the golden crisp skin of feasting gone, we say. 

But meatloaf is survival; baked potatoes topped with butter are a base.  The grapes of last year’s harvest can now be poured into a glass and so we smile and learn to savor ketchup’s tang.

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REALITY & TECHNOLOGY: And How It Affects Christmas

Well, prices of custom picture framing have suddenly tripled.  Such a shame, just before Christmas.  But this Christmas won’t be as merry for my family either, and I will be cutting down considerably on what I spend on them so luckily my customers won’t feel the pinch alone. 

Oh yes, I just ordered my new laptop.  After much research, stressing myself out beyond two 14-column spread sheets and a half-ream of printed specs off the websites, I have selected the Dell Latitude 800 as my first laptop.  I was looking most seriously at the Dell Inspiron 8600, the HP 5130, the Compaq 3245 and nc6000, the Sony Vaio GRTs, the IBM R-40s, and the Toshiba Satellites A-35 and A-75, but for what I wanted in a laptop, the Dell came in at a reasonable price and with all the features I wanted.  (Erika, I can send you all the paperwork I have if you want the info to look over). 

Thanks to all for their input and suggestions, and I do hope my family and customers understand.

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WRITING: The Long Haul

Some thoughts on yesterday, and writing.

Spinning was a part of our New Media discussion in class, as weblogs are a fine example of combining the elements of layering graphics, text, audio, etc. together within the structure of digitalized modularity.  It is a fairly new form of communication between humans, encouraging growth in learning computer manipulation of text and graphics, as well as offering a portal to those who simply want to dabble without getting involved in html, design, or any of the other opportunities the new open-door policy of the internet offers everyone.

Why did I get started on a weblog:  Because I am a writer, and this was something that was suggested as an outlet and a journey of discovery by my English professor.  It started out as mostly literary essays, ideas, and snippets of creative writing.  As I personally came to feel it’s power of communication as well as its opportunities to develop in other areas beyond simple writing, I learned and explored.  I myself believe that it has not just improved my style and helped me find my voice by daily input, it has changed both me and what I produce tremendously.

Now I take a step in time a few years back–not so far back that I wasn’t writing creatively, but to a time when I thought I was. Pure crap.  Nicely expressed maybe, but without substance.  Writing to me, prior to any real formal study of literature, was considered a natural skill combined with a good command of the language and attention to grammar rules.  Visual arts were as well considered to be a case of talent–you have it, or you don’t, and you are allowed to "cheat" by learning how to mix paints to produce something other than olive green.

And learning is not just applicable to the arts.  You can hand someone a chainsaw and send them out to cut down a tree, but he/she may just end up killing themself in the process.  There’s a method to it.  There’s also something far beyond the cutting; there’s carving wood into an art form.  It all depends on how far you want to wander down the path.

There’s a writer I know who cannot seem to wander further down the path without taking baby steps and turning back several times.  Someone who has the concepts, creativity, desire and talent, but who is suspicious of the rules.  How I want to take them by the hand and drag them down the road a ways; the very way I needed to be dragged, or pushed, grumbling and often protesting loudly.  It’s often hard to be openminded about your passion, to accept advice, to accept structuring of creativity in particular.  This is where the patience and unselfishness of instruction is a gift and offered by experience and willingness to teach. 

Not everyone has the personality to impart knowledge.  Some spend lifetimes learning, but with the purpose in mind to learn, not to share.  Nothing wrong with this; by its very nature of self-improvement, it cannot help but affect others.  But how does one learn to inspire those who have the ability but stubbornly adhere to beliefs; to guide them to the gates and push them through.  While it may be unwise or even cruel to overly encourage someone who plans upon depending upon a skill (and dangerous, for example: a wannabe brain surgeon who faints at the sight of blood or has the steady hands of grade 7 volcanic activity), in the arts, no knowledge is wasted.  I doubt that anyone has ever been emotionally warped or financially ruined by encouragement in writing skills, being told they write well.  (My biggest fear is that I truly don’t write anywhere near as well as I sometimes want to believe I do). We can all benefit from becoming better writers, I’m sure, as it will never become a discarded skill.  So, while no students should be discouraged, since so much of what is learnable is going to improve even the least talented but inspired, it’s got to be especially frustrating to light the fire under the self-satisfied and stubborn talent, who is in truth, no more likely to be successful at the craft than one with no real sense of creativity but having a toolbelt of skill firmly buckled in place. 

I do not possess the personality qualities of a teacher.  I was a very stubborn and reluctant student.  In a clash of wills, I was overcome and like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, have now at least the heart and mind to fly with singed wings.  Time to give back, time to inspire, time to pull someone else along.

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NEW MEDIA: Virtual World

"Oh Christopher Lee, where you be? You wait with fangs in the wings of fog rolled in by Hollywood.  On a stage set steep in Transylvania, on pebbled roads that lead to your dark castle, you hover; black silk rustling soft above a trembling town that’s lit by one brave candle."  smg

Four-thirty in the evening on a foggy November Sunday, waiting for the vampire to cut through the mist that hangs along the trees in our backyard.  Then, the thought of virtual fog and crunching steps that seemed so real just two nights ago, but on a laptop screen.

It’s just me, once again, comparing reality to what’s not, to help make sense of it all.  Yes, I had such fun, and lost myself along a digital path of leaf-strewn roads into a mist that promised danger

And yet, I long for Christopher Lee.

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REALITY: Neighborly Gestures and Warm Puppies

Well, not a puppy; a six-year old Jack Russell mix that looks more like a grossly overweight Chihuahua—my neighbor’s new dog.

Since she’s had Labs for the last fifteen years, she’s worried that this little guy’s size might get him squished by a UPS truck pulling into the driveway (he’s on an electric fence, and I’ve had to mimic getting electrocuted to help train him.  Either he got the idea or thinks I’m spastic.).  So, I had my friend, Gus, make a sign that we put in at the beginning of the driveway that says, “Please watch out for small dog.”

Evil Susan was going to put another one in on the opposite side of the driveway leading out:  “Please check your tires before leaving.”

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TECHNOLOGY: Laptop Update

Just got back from my second visit to a Best Buy to finger-test the keyboard and eyeball the screens in a hands-on check of the laptops.  Of course, none of the exact models I have since focused on were there, but I did get to see the screen sizes, heft the weight, decide on definitely getting the tru-bright or one of those super liquid clear screens–but don’t need the 17-inch, and ask a passing young man who was saying to his son, "see, that’s the one Daddy wants.." to which I said, "Excuse me, but how did Daddy decide?"  Also bought one of the last Waylon Jennings CDs I know I don’t already have. 

So now I sit down with a 14 column spreadsheet, fill in the models, the specs, and make a semi-decision based on who has the best deal.  Tomorrow, I may be ready to press that "buy" button.

(Note:  Just for your information, I’m considering Dell, HP, Compaq, IBM, and to a lesser degree, Toshiba and–thanks for adding to my burden, John–Sony. 

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NEW MEDIA: Video Gaming as Escape

In a post sometime last week, I blithely wrote something about fantasy and feeling sorry for those among us (certainly not me, Willie!) who don’t indulge.  But reference was made to the opportunity video games offer those with less creative instincts.

Well, that’s not exactly what I meant–to imply that it was geared to only those who do not have daydreams of their own.  This clarification is not being made to cover my ass in saying that I thoroughly enjoyed gaming, implying that I’m not a creative person, after getting so excited about playing one game.  But it is obvious that video games fulfill a need to escape sometimes from the mundane realities of life like jobs and laundry, just as books, movies, tv shows have always offered people.  It’s a well-established fact that romance novels serve as satisfaction to (mostly) women who are still looking for the rose on the kitchen table amidst the dinner plates and buttered squash.  People just need to sometimes make the world a little more exciting, a little more dangerous, or maybe just a little more unrealistic than it is.  My neighbor used to spend 90% of his time at home outside gardening; it was an obvious break in the stressful job he dealt with daily as an architect.  I always imagined a farmer somewhere sitting down at a table building a model airplane while Andy worked the soil next door.

Video games are one of the best doorways to another world, another place, another time because they involve the mind and the physical senses of vision, hearing, touch, and even hint through these three at the senses of taste and smell as well.  Even if a user is not clearly the protagonist (this would involve, perhaps, no visual image of the protagonist being, but the game would be viewed from his visual point of view only), his control over the character slips him into place in the virtual environment of the game.  Kind of a neat place to be until some sort of skin-stretching, smoke-blowing weird dude enters the scene. 

Reader/user involvement has always been the goal of literature in all forms.  Video games, by allowing and actually requiring user input, are the epitome of writerly accomplishment.

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REALITY: Society at a Crossroads

Let me take a break from New Media video games for a moment to have a turn at something that’s pushed MY buttons instead.

Just read an article about a student who is possibly facing disciplinary action due to an incident that involved his calling a woman a name–not a racial epithet, just a not-very-nice name–when she accused him of talking about her.  While the incident took place on campus, it amazes me that the administration would even get involved.  More so, it amazes me that anyone would even report it.

While I have genuine sympathy with the student, what overrides my total support is not only that I do not know the full story (action pending) and the fact that if this student is your typically liberal-minded college student, he/she placed themself in this position by their very principles and beliefs that no one has the right to verbally harm another–meaning, making it a violation of law to do so. 

While I agree that no one should, I can’t agree that one doesn’t have the right to do so.  In my own belief in individual freedom, being wrong, being rude, hell, even being a jackass is included.  There is still a damn good law about freedom of speech in effect, and name-calling isn’t slander after all.

Then comes this article in the November issue of Reader’s Digest (yeah, I know, Reader’s Digest) about a school in Nashville that decided to stop announcing their honor roll student list because some parents "were very concerned that…(children) would feel ashamed or discouraged or left out because they weren’t honored."

The article, by Michael Crowley is aptly titled, "A" is for Average, Not achievement or accomplishment or All American.  Not anymore.  He goes on to say that while "honored students rightfully feel pride, and their example motivates other students to work harder…some people think that for every honor student, there’s a kid with bruised feelings.  And protecting the low feelings of a student is more important than celebrating another’s high accomplishments."

This b.s. has been brewing for a while now, ever since we somehow became a "feel good" society rather than an intelligent one.  I can’t speak for anyone else, but if the day comes when I need brain surgery, I’d really want the best, the top, the most dexterous, intelligent, top-of-the-class brain surgeon to do it.  And I’d like to make sure who I chose didn’t just barely graduate after several tries but has the self-confidence (if not the skill) of a winner.

Why don’t we want to celebrate and honor intelligence any more?  Why are feelings more important?  In some instances, I realize that they are (please do jump into the river to save me without thinking about the fact of whether it’s wise or not).  But in the area of education in particular, knowledge–as evidenced in some form of scoring or meeting of set standards, should be perceived as achieving the goal–the learning of the material studied.  Should I be graded on how well I know Statistics or the fact that they don’t make me happy?

One of the best statements by Mr. Crowley in his article is this:  "No more honor rolls, valedictorians, letter grades–how long before schools start to ban simple games like tag?"

I love it.  And, I think it’s leading to the very direction my own thoughts take.  I say, get rid of school sports.  The losing team, the entire student body, the parents, faculty, alumni, jeepers, even the whole town sometimes feels bad when a game is lost.  No more football, basketball, hockey, etc., I say; make a whole lotta people not feel bad about themselves.

But I doubt that this would fly because alas, I think that sports takes precedence over intelligence as well.

(Note:  It has always intrigued me how boxing in particular can be allowed as a legitimate paid for, enjoyed by, validated sport while punching a guy in the nose for calling your mama a whore is illegal.)

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NEW MEDIA: Video Gaming Narrative and User Interaction

As mentioned previously, video games are usually based on a linear narrative structure, but one that is immeasurable in time due to where the user takes the story.  There is also the possibility, of course, that many games may have built-in flashback timelines in which clues to the present quest may be provided.  In Silent Hill, what closest approached this (in the very small portion I explored) was a music box that indicated a past event via figures atop the box and a conversation between them (as best I remember). 

The modules or scenes of the story are transitioned by fadeouts as in film technique, and are usually tied in with either a conflict or definite scene change (even from one side of a gate to another). 

The story arc is beset by conflict, and clues that I would call minor plot points.  The story arc builds with the tension of the "mission" and the necessity of solving various parts of the puzzle until a solution is reached that would signal resolution.  Under more nimble fingers and mind than my own, the arc would progress normally instead of trudging uphill (or downhill in this case, while managing not to fall off any cliffs or walk into walls) slowly and cautiously.  Here is where experience of the user/reader adds tremendously to the pace of the narrative, possibly in comparison to a rocket scientist’s versus my own text reading of a book on quantum theory.

I found myself thinking in terms of textual interactive fiction gaming, and it took me a while to acclimate myself to the graphic visuals, but what you see is a direct result of what you have offered as input.

While some plot elements may be missed or overlooked in moving through the environment, I would hope that experience with the medium would direct one to wave that cursor around or press those action buttons (requiring user input to receive information) before moving on.

Automation is obviously built into the programming of the story; things happen that neither our character nor ourselves had planned.  We must "keep our wits about us" to wind our way through the paths offered, as well as what comes upon us unexpectedly, and of course, remember to pick up, take, store, use, and check upon items and clues that we find along the way.

Experience in game playing would also aid the user in recognizing what has become the cultural code of this form of story.  For example, use of the keyboard to maneuver (I personally have only used my arrow keys when in the BIOS section of my PC), the signal by glowing or changing of the cursor or an item  which may indicate something to be noticed and reacted to or with, and the remembering to "save" or check inventory, maps, etc. during gameplay.

This form of story is one of the most obviously writerly type.  While there is a right or wrong/successful vs. unsuccessful ending, the paths one takes to a conclusion are ultimately up to the user.  The story is dynamic in that it will change with each use by even a single individual user.  This is no static piece of work hanging out there; it in fact would indeed "hang" if no input were received from the reader/user.  We are allowed to wander freely–validly or invalidly–through discrete units of a structured environment that we can see, remember, and navigate.

And talk about your "If/Then" cause and effect…well, that’s the very platform that video games are based upon. 

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NEW MEDIA: Video Gaming Time Space

One of the most unusual aspects of video games is the manufacture-as-you-go time element.  Diagetic space is not a set item, is practically an unknown as the characters are moved within it to complete their mission.  I can’t say with certainty that all games—nor even this one, Silent Hill—is unmindful of relative space, but the linear narrative follows along in some manner of chronological time based only upon when the mission is started until it is successfully completed.  I do not know as yet if the characters sleep—most likely not, at least until a certain task has been accomplished.  But they are dependent upon the user to get them to a plot point that will transition the story to a new level.  Dramatic structure seems to be the timeline built into the game, and this is affected by how it is played.  Whether it takes the user (in real time) one hour or thirty hours to reach that point, the character has in fact traveled anywhere from a direct point A to point B, or allowing for my moonwalking (backwards, going nowhere) has spent a good deal more time wasted in false leads or wrong paths.  I’m sure that my “guy,” after a couple hours under my control, is a lot more wiped out physically and emotionally with nothing to show for it than had he been guided by a more experienced user.

Pausing the action is somewhat like sticking a bookmark in a book to save your place.  Saving a game is insuring that my character will not be made to suffer the whole ordeal again by going back to the starting point. 

Again, time cannot be measured within the story because of user input, and so I shouldn’t complain, I suppose, that there is no change of clothes or so much as a yawn to indicate any desire to rest.  Although the exertion is accounted for by pick-me-ups in the form of health drinks in this particular game, and it seems that I recall certain necessary “revitalizers” in interactive fiction pieces that were offered as important to the survival of the protagonist on his journey.

As for how long it takes the narrator to tell the story, the narrator being to a large degree the user, that’s wide open.  In book format, there is a difference between a second grade reader and a speed-reader, but there is the additional glitch here of where the reader/user is taking the story each time he enters it.  Even the most experienced gameplayer will no doubt stumble upon occasion within the disorderly (although clearly “ordered” software programming) narrative structure of  forest he is navigating. 

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REALITY: Making Time

If I could, I would.  Create time rather than maneuver within it or manipulate it as much as I can within its given space.

I have been up since 3 a.m., and am bouncing between whittling down my laptop purchase selection, cutting up bell curves in statistics, and working on a few more entries based upon video gaming. 

This last item is something I want to finish up today while the memory is fresh, but in attempting to put into a short essay a few thoughts about narrative structure, I’m running into all the terminology I need to adequately and accurately assess "Silent Hill" both in itself and as a representative form of story.  It’s akin to composing a class paper in that it is not based on opinion, but should be based on knowledge of the subject and insight that has been gradually learned through study.  I need to be more careful here.

Other than that, I’m bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, watching the black day turn grey to reveal shapes of the outside world I trusted would still be out there and not stolen or vanished mysteriously away while I slept.

Ah, good.  The horizon is just where I left it last night.

New Media Moment:  Obviously the last line is influenced by video gameplay and the manipulation of elements not granted the same flexibility in the real world!

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NEW MEDIA: Video Games as Social Modifier

One of the benefits of being introduced to video games in group play is the ability to note the social aspects of the activity. 

Normally, I think I am a nice person, willing to share toys, thinking of other people’s wants and needs within a group atmosphere as well as on a day to day basis where one has some time to think and plan.  Well in this experiment with the writers group and the gameplay, except for the needed assistance from those who were more familiar with the controls, once I "got into" the story, the room could have disappeared for all I cared.

This is not unlike quietly sitting in a corner of the couch with a good book, but with the visual quality of watching a movie or television program with others, there is the capability of remarking upon the medium to others sharing the experience.  But with movies or tv, no one has more control (or in fact, any) over the story as it unfolds.  At the keyboard, the controlling user most likely feels more a part of the action than do the onlookers (who most likely are either bored or itching to get at the keyboard themselves), and foregoes the interaction with human people to relate instead to the virtual people on the screen with whom he/she has a shared interest in the mission of the game.  All this being just a fancy way of saying that video gaming leans toward antisocial behavior when in the midst of activity.

Sure, the gameplay is discussed after the fact, similar to discussing a book or movie, and that at least takes us out of ourselves for some sharing of the excitement or passing of information.  But what surprised me was that I never even thought to give up the controls and offer anyone else a chance at them.  Looking back, aside from the more mature audience in this scenario, I could well imagine someone whining to Steve, "She won’t let me play…!"

No doubt that it is the fact of the interaction required that fosters this selfishness, but it also relates to the notion of reader/user immersion in a well-written or presented medium.  (Reading through to the end of the page before noticing that someone’s asking you a question–"Huh, what?") There is also a sense of immediacy in a video game, and we forget the pause button is there to allow for the halt of the breakdown of family communications as well as stopping the action!

I haven’t researched the social effects of video gameplay, but I’m sure that it has had a defining influence on how we communicate with others.  Good, as well as bad; introverts may become more confident given the sense of control over the actions and outcomes of their characters as they manipulate through a narrative, while others may, as I, reveal a selfishness that would not be as evident in the reality of dealing outside of game playing.

Hmmm.  Then too, it could have been just me.  As always, learning anything new teaches us about ourselves as well.

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NEW MEDIA: Video Gaming as Fun

Sometimes the best way to tackle this is just to sit down and start writing, so while this series on video games may not be as eloquent as time and more thought to sentence structure might permit, it will no longer be put off.

My first real experience with a fairly sophisticated game such as "Silent Hill" was one of hysterical laughter.  It shouldn’t have been–it’s a mystery and matter of detecting clues and following them around via an "entity" as are the majority of these adventure games.  My clumsy manipulation of the keyboard commands, both mentally in learning and trying to remember them and in their execution was the main reason for jerking my poor "other self" around like a puppet.  My other problem was that I am directionally dysfunctional, and unless the sun is shining, I don’t know east from west from north from south from left from right.

But it did add an element of fun to the game that would otherwise have manifested itself as frustration had I not had a small audience of our writers group watching along  and "playing" with me.  (Might have flung the damn thing across the room had the mood and environment been different, being a flinger of things myself.)  But there is fun of a quieter sort once the game progresses, or rather once the user progresses through it.  The excitement level increases as little things begin happening–clues such as written notes, a conversation with another character, items that were listed in the manual as important to "take", show up, and the mind starts gearing itself towards remembering what the goal is and what to look for within the virtual environment of the story. 

I found myself totally immersed in the story (to be covered in another entry) and anxious to move through the dense fog and woods, past dead vans and pickup trucks, to follow a road into a town where some great secret was waiting to be revealed, questions answered–the usual goal or mission-oriented purpose of "my" journey.  The element too of point of view, and user involvement to the point of becoming the character will also be covered later.

Just for the sheer joy of control–and this is what appeals to me most, and why I should never, ever, ever have gotten my little fingers on the keyboard in the first place–and the wonder of what will happen next, as indicated by a fadeout to transition in a new scene, was more that most–but not all–books can provide with the turning of pages.  The heart-stopping excitement of having a creature suddenly pop up in your "visual space" and threaten your protagonist would be hard to emulate by words alone (again, it’s been done by Poe and many others) and there’s only the pause button to relate to the closing of the book and if you can manage to think of it in time to save your ass.

The gaming aspect of these stories makes them a combination book, tv program or movie, and board game simultaneously. All in all, a truly fun experience that I totally plan to invest more “research” time into before making any further decisions. 

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TECHNOLOGY: Video Games

ooh! ooh! ooh! I’m so excited!  I’ve so very much to tell you but I’m very tired as well, but tomorrow morning I’ll reveal how I have finally entered the world of video gaming and though I made a danged fool of myself in front of our writers group, I don’t even care!  I haven’t had so much fun–laughed at myself so hard, enjoyed something so thoroughly in a long time.  It was well overdue.

Also want to seriously write up a post about "Understanding Comics," by Scott McCloud that I’ve mentioned here before because it really had a an effect on me in viewing all forms of narrative.  It was so pure and simple and concise yet covered depths of all elements of writing, presenting, and what makes something work and why, that it’s become an important part of my education in literature.

Back in the early morning hours. 

Good night, she said, smiling.

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